Divorce is stated as the 2nd most stressful life event as it makes you rethink the past, and consider your poor choices and it ultimately forces you to look at yourself and what you want out of life. Dating in your 50s after a divorce can feel just as overwhelming, but don’t feel alone.
According to Psychology Today, divorce rates in the United States are declining, except for those over 50. Surprisingly, since 1990, the divorce rate for those over 50 has actually doubled.
When you’re in your 50s, after a divorce, dating can feel like an uphill battle. Dating as an older adult can feel like a balancing act between embracing your independence and staying true to yourself as well as letting go of old baggage while forging forward into new things.
The financial consequences of a divorce at 50 are often overlooked and can create stress that may impact the thought of dating again.
Dating after a divorce, at any age, requires special care and consideration. Not only is there a lot to juggle in terms of work and family obligations, but there’s also the fact that society places significantly more pressure on people once they reach their 50s.
It is important after a divorce, especially if you are in your 50s, to see this as your second chance in life. Your main focus should not initially be on dating and finding someone new but rather on building a new life for yourself on your terms.
In the beginning, you may feel lonely and may feel the social pressure of being on your own, but these feelings are temporary and may come and go.
Yes, you have gone through a divorce and don’t want to be hurt again, but don’t allow the future to be haunted by the hurt and fear of the past.
Dating is supposed to be fun, a new fresh start, so don’t allow the pressure of other people’s expectations to turn this experience into something stressful filled with expectations that won’t necessarily be met. Start dating when you are ready.
My suggestion would be to build a life for yourself, through this process you will meet people that interest you, go on those dates both good and bad, but be level-headed and take things slowly and focus on your life. Life often surprises us when we least expect it.
So how do we achieve this?
Let’s take a look at how we can make this fresh start and transition easier for you.
Find a Hobby You Love
Make sure you have plenty of interests outside of dating so you can avoid getting too wrapped up in the ups and downs of a new relationship.
Find a hobby that you have always been interested in but never had the opportunity to do. It’s great to have a hobby as it is a good distraction, a way to unwind and process emotions.
After the end of a long-term marriage, a hobby is a healthy outlet for your emotions and can help you to let go of any anger and pain resulting from the end of a marriage. It is important to process your residual emotions before you embark on your next relationship.
A new hobby is a fabulous way for you to meet new people. Social or group hobbies allow people with similar interests to gather and socialize. This would be a great foundation on which to meet a potential partner that could later develop into a serious relationship.
In your 50s physical attraction is important but you are also looking for companionship and friendship. The days of needing to get married to have children and raise families have passed. Meeting people with common interests through hobbies is a way to build good friendships and find a companion.
Stay in Touch With Friends and Family
Remember that after a divorce you are vulnerable and you are not used to the dating world, so take things slowly.
While you’re beginning to date, it can be really easy to start spending all your time with your new partner. But it’s important, to keep up with your friends and family so you maintain your support system.
If you spend too much time with your new partner, you run the risk of getting sucked into their problems or being too wrapped up in the relationship to see any conflicting differences.
Having a healthy support system with friends and family can also help you avoid settling for a bad relationship and making the same mistake again.
Friends and family are important as support systems as you can easily get caught up in a new relationship and not have the self-awareness or confidence to call things off when they’re not working.
Dating after divorce can be a vulnerable time for many people, so it’s important, to be honest about your expectations. If you’re only looking for friendship or casual dating, make sure you communicate that from the beginning.
It’s also a good idea to let your dates know about any children or other people you depend on so they aren’t surprised at a later date when they meet the kids or your ex.
If your kids are in school, make sure your dates know about that as well. It can be really awkward to have a new partner come over to the house to pick you up and have them have to explain who they are.
A single parent has a lot of responsibilities and possibly dates may not be interested in getting involved with these responsibilities.
Also, be clear on if and when you will introduce your new person to your children. I suggest that you shouldn’t rush into making this introduction as you may need to meet a few frogs before you meet the one.
Know what you want when you start dating in your 50s after a divorce
Before you enter the dating scene after divorce take the time to decide on the key things that you are looking for in future relationships. Use your experience from past relationships to decide on the must-haves and your deal breakers.
Divorce can leave you with deep pain, residual hurt, and anger. It is best to ensure that you have processed these emotions and healed from the divorce before you decide on entering the dating scene.
Consider the following questions, as they may guide you in this process:
Will I be satisfied with another marriage, a serious relationship, or something else entirely?
What kind of partner will make me content?
What do I need in a relationship to be fulfilled and successful?
What would make me happy in this new connection?
Have I completed the work to heal myself so I understand how I contributed to the breakup of my previous relationship?
Have I grown? And in what areas have I grown?
How will this new relationship look and feel in the real world?
What will my daily connections with this person be like?
Spend time digesting the answers to these questions so that you can be sure that you are making the right decision. You need to be ready to enter the dating scene and not feel pressured into it. You also need to be clear on what you are looking for.
Watch Out for Red Flags
It’s important to keep an eye out for red flags in new relationships. If someone is pressuring you to have sex or act in a certain way, that’s a red flag that they might not be a healthy person to date.
If the person is disrespectful to you or your boundaries, this is bad news and another sign that they might not be a good fit.
It’s important to stay true to yourself in dating after divorce and know what you are looking for and what is important to you. If you’re really not feeling it, then it’s okay to walk away.
If a date is disrespecting your boundaries, you also shouldn’t feel like you have to put up with it.
Dating after a divorce is a great time to get back out there and enjoy yourself, but most importantly it’s also a time to be true to yourself.
Don’t Be Afraid to Slow Down Or End Dates Early
If a date isn’t going well, it’s okay to be blunt about ending it early.
If you’re on a first or second date and you notice that things aren’t clicking, it’s okay, to be honest, and let the other person know that you don’t see a future with them.
Dating after divorce can put you in a vulnerable place, but you also deserve to be upfront and honest with yourself and your dates. If you find yourself dating someone who isn’t a good fit and you don’t want to be honest about it, it’s okay to slow down the relationship.
If you’re not ready to be exclusive or you don’t want to spend too much time with the person, don’t feel like you have to rush it.
It’s best to have the confidence to be upfront and let the person know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not ready for.
Having mutual respect and open communication that is comfortable to participate in will help you in developing good relationships and ending the bad ones.
Online Dating Website
Since 2020 life has changed and the online world is here to be embraced, including online dating. There are approximately 2400 online dating apps to choose from and in America, there are 35 million single people over 50. Choices are available in your dating pool and you, are definitely not alone.
Choose an online dating site that has a reasonable number of people registered on the site in your area and in your preferred age bracket. Be visible on the one site for 1 month and then reassess how you feel.
Important things to ensure are that your dating profile has 6 good pictures that are no more than a year old and that your online dating profile describes you and what you are looking for in a partner.
Online dating needs to be approached with the right mindset, you need to be positive and understand that you will face rejection only because we cannot all like the same thing. Rejection is part of the process and don’t take it personally.
According to Bela Gandhi a relationship expert, “you should be psychotically optimistic about dating when you are over 50”. When you are over 50 you should know what your deal breakers are and what your must-haves are in a new partner.
If you do find someone online that you have an interest in meeting, the first date should be in a public place for your safety.
What About a Matchmaker
If you are not interested in putting yourself out there on an online dating site, you could use a matchmaker. A matchmaker will vet potential dates and provide you with a short list of possible blind dates. This may cost you more money, however, it will speed up the process of making a list of potential dates.
Should you have a group of close friends, let them know that you are now ready to start your new dating life. They know you well and have your best interests at heart and may know of someone that would be a good match for you.
Your close friends may also be able to introduce you to new friends which will be an easy way for you to become more social and start having some fun.
Avoid the Rebound when dating in your 50s after a divorce
When you start dating after divorce take things slowly, don’t jump into a committed relationship. Avoid getting involved with someone on the rebound.
You may be feeling lonely and feel the need to fill the empty space in your life but it’s best to meet a lot of people, socialize and have a good time before becoming exclusive.
Just be yourself, do different things, have fun, make friends and develop good companionship.
Dating after divorce can be a scary prospect, but it’s also an exciting one. While it’s important to take things slow and not rush into a new relationship, it’s also crucial not to isolate yourself from the world around you.
After all, finding someone new to share your life with is one of the best ways to create a more fulfilling life. With these dating tips, you’ll be well on your way to finding your next great love!
Now that you’ve read these tips, you should feel better prepared to start dating again after your divorce.
Remember that everyone has insecurities and you don’t need to have your life figured out right now. All you have to do is open yourself up to new people and experiences and see what happens!