10 Reasons Empaths and Narcissists Attract Each Other

If you are an empath, you may have noticed that you often attract narcissistic people into your life. Empaths and narcissists attract each other; as an empath, you have a natural ability to sense and feel the emotions of others.  This makes you very attractive to narcissists who need constant admiration and attention.

Narcissists are people who have a personality that is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. They are often charming and charismatic, which makes them very attractive to others.

However, their charm is often superficial, and they lack the ability to form deep, meaningful relationships. Instead, they use people for their own gain and discard them once they are no longer helpful.

Empaths, on the other hand, are people who have a heightened sense of empathy and are able to feel the emotions of others. They are often caring and compassionate, which makes them highly attractive to narcissists who crave engagement and validation.

However, this relationship is often one-sided, with the empath giving more than they receive. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout for the empath.

Shannon Thomas, an international bestselling author of Healing from Hidden Abuse, says, “Tenderness from empaths will be used against them time and time again by psychological abusers.”

Understanding Narcissists and Empaths

Empaths and narcissists are the polar opposites of each other in terms of their personality types.

Empaths

An empath is an individual who is exceptionally attuned to the emotions and energies of people and animals.

They possess a deep sense of compassion and are often involved in occupations that allow them to channel this trait effectively, such as counseling, healthcare, and social work.

Empaths are highly sensitive people who are good listeners and often give their attention to others for long periods of time.

They are intuitive and have high emotional intelligence, which makes them very attuned to the emotions of others, even going so far as to take on these emotions, something that can drain the empath’s energy.

Narcissists

Narcissists, on the other hand, are characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-importance and entitlement and a lack of empathy for others.

They crave admiration and need to be the center of attention, and they often manipulate the people around them to cater to their needs.

Narcissists often target empaths because of their empathetic nature and see them as easy targets for manipulation and control.

According to Business Insider, “Empaths are ’emotional sponges’, who can absorb feelings from other people very easily. This makes them very attractive to narcissists because they see someone who will fulfill their every need in a selfless way.”

Characteristics of a Toxic Relationship

Being in a toxic relationship can be emotionally draining and damaging to your well-being. When a narcissist targets an empath, it can lead to a toxic relationship that is difficult to break free from.

Here are some characteristics of a toxic relationship:

Red Flags

In the beginning stages of a relationship, it can be easy to overlook and make excuses for the red flags. However, it’s important to pay attention to them, as they can be warning signs of a toxic relationship. Some red flags to look out for include:

• Your partner rushes through the early stages of the relationship.
• The narcissist will be overly charming and flattering.
• The new person in your life is overly jealous or possessive.
• They try to isolate you from family and friends and will speak badly about your loved ones.
• The narcissist has a history of abusive behavior, and this behavior will always be someone else’s fault.

Why Are Empaths Drawn to Narcissists?

1. Emotional Resonance

Empaths are naturally drawn to people’s emotional wavelengths. They often sense hollow self-esteem, deep-seated insecurities, and emotional turmoil within the narcissist, even if these are well-masked.

This vulnerability acts like a magnet for empaths, pulling them in with the desire to provide emotional sustenance.

2. The Healer Instinct

Empaths possess an innate ‘healer’ instinct. The narcissist appears as an emotional puzzle, a challenge that the empath feels equipped to solve.

Their caring nature compels them to help the narcissist confront and perhaps try to heal their emotional deficiencies.

3. The Initial Euphoria

Narcissists are excellent at love bombing—the act of showering someone with affection, compliments, and gifts in the initial stages of a relationship.

This makes empaths feel cherished and valued, thereby making the narcissist irresistibly attractive. Love bombing occurs in the initial stages of the relationship until the narcissist’s true colors of manipulation and deception emerge.

4. Sense of Purpose

Empaths often have a strong desire to make a difference in the world. When they encounter a narcissist, they may feel that helping this person become more emotionally aware or balanced is their “mission.”

The narcissist’s evident emotional struggles give the empath a sense of purpose.

5. Excitement and Adventure

Narcissists often live life on a grand scale. They are usually charming, charismatic, and daring.

For an empath, who may otherwise lead a life focused on emotional nourishment for others, the thrilling and adventurous life that a narcissist offers can be attractive.

6. The Illusion of Equality

In the beginning, a narcissist might present themselves as emotionally available or in tune with the empath’s feelings.

This can trick the empath into thinking they have found a like-minded soul, someone who can both give and receive emotional care.

7. Childhood Conditioning

An empath who grew up in a household with narcissistic parents or caregivers might unconsciously seek out similar traits in their adult relationships.

The dynamic will feel familiar, even if it is toxic, and the empath may not recognize the signs until much later.

8. The Challenge Factor

Empaths can sometimes view the narcissist as an emotional challenge. They may feel that their intuitive and healing abilities are up to this challenge, leading them to engage in a relationship with a narcissist as a test of their emotional skills.

9. Intense Emotional Connection

Narcissists can be extraordinarily attentive in the beginning stages of a relationship, making the empath feel like they’ve found someone who truly “gets them.”

This intense emotional connection can be incredibly intoxicating for an empath, making it difficult to recognize the red flags.

10. Codependency

While not all empaths have codependent behaviors, those who do may find the narcissist’s need for constant attention to be an avenue through which they can express their own need to be needed, thus forming a co-dependent relationship.

Why Narcissists Are Attracted to Empaths

1. Emotional Fuel

Narcissists require a constant supply of attention and admiration, often referred to as a “narcissistic supply.” Empaths, being caring and compassionate, willingly provide this emotional sustenance.

2. Vulnerability

Empaths wear their hearts on their sleeves, which makes them an easy target for manipulation by the narcissist.

3. Control

The narcissist enjoys the control they exert over the empath.

The ability to influence someone so deeply connected to emotions and energies gives the narcissist a sense of power and self-worth.

4. Unconditional Acceptance

Narcissists often struggle with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and insecurity, despite their outward appearance of confidence.

Empaths offer a level of understanding and acceptance that narcissists find difficult to obtain elsewhere.

This unconditional acceptance enables the narcissist to show a softer side of themselves that they may not readily display to others.

5. Emotional Complexity

Narcissists are typically interested in people who can offer something unique or valuable. Empaths, with their complex emotional landscapes, provide a form of “high-quality” emotional supply that is particularly gratifying for a narcissist.

6. Validation

Narcissists have a need to feel superior and special. Empaths, who are often caring, compassionate, and willing to listen, provide the narcissist with an endless source of validation.

The empath’s attention and care validate the narcissist’s perception of themselves as special or exceptional.

7. Low Resistance to Manipulation

Empaths are sensitive, emotionally responsive people who may not readily spot manipulative tactics.

This makes them easier targets for narcissistic manipulation. Narcissists may find this vulnerability attractive as it allows them to maintain the upper hand in the relationship.

8. Reflection of Good Qualities

Empaths are usually viewed as kind-hearted, generous, and understanding. When an empath becomes closely linked with a narcissist, the latter may feel as though these admirable qualities reflect well on them, thereby boosting their own self-image.

9. Emotional Availability

Empaths, by their nature, are emotionally available and willing to engage on a deep emotional level.

Narcissists can find this attractive because it ensures a ready supply of the emotional sustenance they need.

10. Submissive Tendencies

Though not always the case, some empaths may have submissive tendencies, being more willing to put others’ needs before their own. This characteristic aligns well with the narcissist’s desire for control and dominance.

Effects on the Empath

As an empath, you are highly sensitive to the emotions and needs of others. This makes you an easy target for narcissists, who often seek out empathic individuals to fulfill their own needs without regard for your well-being.

Narcissists often use empaths as emotional sponges, draining them of their energy and leaving them feeling depleted. This can have a significant impact on you, as you may neglect your own emotional and physical health in order to care for the narcissist.

The constant focus on other people’s feelings can also lead to emotional trauma for you as an empath, as you may internalize the negative emotions of those around you.

This can result in anxiety and depression, as well as low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in your own emotions and abilities.

In addition to the emotional toll, as an empath, being in a relationship with a narcissist can also have negative effects on your physical health.

The stress and anxiety caused by the constant emotional turmoil can lead to a weakened immune system, digestive issues, and other physical symptoms.

It is important for empaths to recognize the signs of a narcissistic relationship and take steps to protect their own well-being.

This may include setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and surrounding themselves with supportive individuals who respect their own emotional needs.

How Narcissists Manipulate Empaths

As an empath, you have high emotional intelligence that allows you to pick up on subtle cues and understand the feelings of those around you. This sensitivity makes you a prime target for narcissists, who are skilled at manipulating others to get what they want.

One of the primary ways that narcissists manipulate empaths is through tactics designed to exploit their empathic nature.

These tactics can include:

• emotional manipulation
• gaslighting
• belittling commentary
• Narcissists may also engage in a cycle of abuse
• withholding love and affection
• using the silent treatment as a form of punishment

Narcissists lack empathy, which means they have no regard for your feelings or well-being.

They are only interested in what you can do for them and how you can fulfill their needs.

This sense of entitlement can lead them to treat you as nothing more than a means to an end, using you for narcissistic supply and constant validation.

To keep you under their control, narcissists may also give you special treatment at the beginning of the relationship. This is known as love bombing, where they shower you with affection and attention to make you feel special and important. 

However, this is often just a ploy to gain your trust, and then they will manipulate you later on.

Overall, it is important to be aware of the ways that narcissists can manipulate empaths. By understanding their tactics and staying vigilant, you can protect yourself from their toxic influence and maintain your distance and emotional well-being.

Protecting Oneself from Narcissistic Abuse

As an empath, you are vulnerable to the manipulative tactics of narcissists. However, there are steps you can take to protect yourself from their abuse and regain your personal power.

1. Set Strong Boundaries

One of the most important things you can do is set clear and healthy boundaries. This means being assertive and saying no when necessary. It also means recognizing when someone is violating your boundaries and taking steps to protect yourself.

2. Prioritize Your Mental Health

Narcissistic abuse can take a serious toll on your mental health. It’s important to prioritize your own well-being and seek help if you need it. This might mean seeing a therapist or counselor, practicing self-care, or finding other constructive ways to manage your emotions.

3. Take Ownership of Your Personal Power

Narcissists thrive on controlling and manipulating others. By taking ownership of your personal power, you can resist their attempts to control you. This might mean standing up for yourself, speaking your truth, and refusing to be a victim.

However, when taking on a narcissist, it is important to prioritize your safety.

4. Practice Clear Communication

Clear communication is key to maintaining healthy relationships and setting boundaries. Be direct and honest with others about your needs and expectations. Don’t be afraid to speak up if someone is crossing a line.

5. Embrace Best Practices

There are many best practices that can help you protect yourself from narcissistic abuse. These might include mindfulness, self-reflection, and self-compassion. By embracing these practices, you can build resilience and develop a strong sense of self.

Remember, protecting yourself from narcissistic abuse is an ongoing process. It requires a commitment to your own well-being and a willingness to stand up for yourself.

6. Seeking Professional Help

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and you are an empath, it can be challenging to break free from the cycle of abuse. Seeking professional help is one of the best ways to get the support you need to heal and move forward.

A mental health provider can help you work through the trauma of narcissistic abuse and develop coping mechanisms to deal with the emotional fallout. They can also help you identify patterns of behavior that may be contributing to the toxic dynamic and help you develop healthier ways of relating to others.

It is essential to find a mental health provider who is knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse and has experience working with empaths. Long-term therapy can be especially helpful for those who have experienced prolonged abuse.

In addition to seeking professional help, it may also be necessary to distance yourself from the narcissist and any enablers who may be supporting their behavior. This can include family members or close friends who may be minimizing or denying the abuse.

Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse is a process, and it can take time to fully recover. Be patient with yourself and trust the process.

7. Personal Growth and Recovery

If you are an empath who has been in a relationship with a narcissist, it is important to focus on your personal growth and recovery. While it may be difficult to move on from the experience, it is possible to heal and regain your sense of self.

One of the first steps to personal growth and recovery is to recognize that you are a good person with a good nature. The advantage of being an empath is your unique ability to connect with others on a deeper level. 

You have the capacity to feel and understand the emotions of those around you, which is a true gift.

It is important to tap into your true self and explore who you are at a deeper level. This can be done through activities such as journaling, meditation, or therapy.

By understanding your own needs and desires, you can better protect yourself from future harm.

Recovering from a relationship with a narcissist may involve working through defense mechanisms that you developed as a result of the relationship.

On the whole, empaths and narcissists can be a dangerous combination. Narcissistic people often target empaths due to their empathic and sensitive nature.

Empaths are intuitive and have high emotional intelligence, which makes them very attuned to the emotions of others, even going so far as to take on these emotions, something that can drain the empath’s energy. 

Narcissistic people, on the other hand, lack empathy and are self-absorbed, which can lead to a toxic and unhealthy relationship dynamic.

If you are an empath, it is important to be aware of the traits that make you vulnerable to narcissistic individuals.

Set boundaries and recognize when someone is taking advantage of your empathic nature.

If you are in a romantic relationship with a narcissistic partner, it is important to understand their true nature. Narcissistic individuals often have defects in their personalities that make it difficult for them to form healthy relationships.

They may be charming and charismatic at first, but eventually, their true colors will show.

The good news is that, as an empath, you can learn to protect yourself from toxic people. By setting boundaries, recognizing red flags, and learning to say no, you can avoid getting involved with narcissistic individuals.

Being an empath can be a gift, but it can also make you vulnerable to toxic people.

You deserve love and respect, and you don’t have to tolerate toxic behavior from anyone.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What happens when an empath leaves a narcissist?

When an empath leaves a narcissist, they may experience a range of emotions, including relief, guilt, and grief. The narcissist may react with anger, blame, or attempts to manipulate the empath into returning to the relationship. It is important for you, as the empath, to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist during this time.

2. What do empaths and narcissists have in common?

Empaths and narcissists both have a heightened sensitivity to their environment and the emotions of others. However, while empaths use this sensitivity to connect with others and show empathy, narcissists use it to manipulate and control others for their own benefit.

3. Does the narcissist miss the empath?

It is unlikely that the narcissist truly misses the empath, as they view others as objects to be used for their own purposes rather than as individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. However, the narcissist may miss the attention and validation that the empath provides.

4. Why do narcissists target empaths?

Narcissists target empaths because they are highly empathetic and compassionate individuals who are willing to put the needs of others before their own. This makes them vulnerable to manipulation and control by the narcissist.

5. What type of person does a narcissist target?

Narcissists often target individuals who are empathetic, compassionate, and willing to put the needs of others before their own. They may also target individuals who are vulnerable due to past trauma or have low self-esteem.

6. Are empaths vulnerable to narcissists?

Empaths are vulnerable to narcissists because they are highly empathetic and compassionate individuals who are willing to put the needs of others before their own. This can make them susceptible to manipulation and control by the narcissist. However, with awareness and self-care, empaths can learn to set boundaries and protect themselves from narcissistic abuse.