Guide to Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Table of Contents
Have you been on the receiving end of a narcissist or know someone who has? A lot of time is spent discussing the narcissist, but what does it feel like to be the person on the receiving end of the narcissistic abuser, and what are the narcissistic victim syndrome and freeze response?
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is a term used to describe the emotional and psychological effects experienced by those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist.

Narcissists are individuals who possess an inflated sense of self-importance, an insatiable need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others, among other things.
The freeze response is one of the ways our bodies react to emotional trauma, verbal abuse, stress, and danger that are experienced in these relationships. The freeze response can become a coping mechanism for those suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.
Let’s explore Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the freeze response so that we can better understand what a victim of narcissistic abuse goes through.
What is narcissistic Victim Syndrome?
Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is a term used to collectively describe the adverse symptoms experienced by people who have been subjected on a daily basis to the manipulative and abusive behaviors of a narcissist.
This syndrome is characterized by a range of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical symptoms that arise from prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse.
Narcissistic abuse victims often experience feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and depression, as well as symptoms of anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and complex PTSD.
The abuse at the hands of narcissistic people comes in various forms, including gaslighting, emotional blackmail, passive-aggressive behaviors, excessive criticism, manipulation of emotions, thoughts, and beliefs, as well as domestic violence in some cases.

As a result, you will develop coping mechanisms, such as the freeze response, to be able to endure the overwhelming experience of the persistent trauma inflicted by the narcissist.
Overcoming Narcissistic Victim Syndrome requires you to realize that what you’re experiencing is not your fault and that you are not responsible for someone else’s behavior.
You will require support to overcome the trauma bonding, and strategies to heal from the abuse and re-establish your own sense of self-worth and autonomy.
Main Signs of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome can manifest in various ways, affecting your emotional and physical well-being.
The main signs of trauma resulting from narcissistic abuse are as follows:
1. Walking on Eggshells
Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves constantly on edge, trying to avoid conflict or displeasing the narcissist.
This can result in a constant state of anxiety and hypervigilance as you attempt to predict and adapt to the narcissist’s unpredictable mood swings and demands.
You will try to read their body language and behavioral patterns as a way of anticipating your abusive partner’s mood.
2. Mistrust
Prolonged exposure to manipulation and deceit can lead victims of narcissistic abuse to develop a deep sense of mistrust, not only towards the narcissist but also towards their own judgment and perception of reality.
You will be constantly blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship, so you will begin to doubt yourself and lose all confidence in your own abilities.
This lack of confidence and the fear of doing something ‘wrong’ that will cause the narcissist to explode results in you losing yourself and your judgment of reality.

3. Self-Isolation
As a result of the abuse, victims may withdraw from friends and family, either due to the narcissist’s control or out of fear of judgment and misunderstanding from others.
This isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and helplessness.
Self-isolation also happens when you live in a state of overwhelm and high alert, and you will find it difficult to participate in conversations, follow a train of thought, and remember discussions; you will often find yourself zoning out.
4. Loss of Self-Worth
Persistent criticism, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation will erode the victim’s self-esteem and confidence, leaving them feeling worthless and undeserving of love or respect.
5. Loneliness
Despite being in a relationship with the narcissist, victims may feel profoundly lonely, as the narcissist is often incapable of providing genuine emotional support, understanding, or empathy.
You will end up feeling lonely and living in your head due to the abuse, and isolation, as well as having to deal with cognitive dissonance.
6. Doubting the Abuse that happened
Due to the manipulative tactics used by the narcissist, victims may question their own experiences and memories, wondering if the abuse was real or if they are overreacting.
After the abuse, during the phase when the narcissist is apologizing and offering “love and attention,” you will often make excuses for the abuse, often blaming yourself and underplaying what took place.
7. Trouble Making Decisions
As a result of the narcissist’s control and manipulation, victims lose their decision-making abilities. They avoid making decisions independently, fearing the consequences of making the “wrong” decisions.
8. Freezing Up
The freeze response, as previously discussed, can become a coping mechanism for those suffering from Narcissistic abuse, causing them to become immobilized in situations where they feel threatened or overwhelmed.
Living with a narcissistic individual, you will be super vigilant, your flight response will be constantly on alert, and your stress hormone, cortisol, will be at super high levels. At times, this leads to a point of overwhelm, and the freeze response kicks in to protect the brain.
9. Restlessness
The constant stress and anxiety associated with narcissistic abuse can lead to restlessness and difficulty relaxing, even when the victim is away from the narcissist.
This is often due to the high levels of stress hormones in your system and your flight response being constantly on alert.
10. Other Physical Symptoms
Chronic stress and trauma can result in a range of physical symptoms, including headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, sleep disturbances, and a weakened immune system.
These symptoms may persist for a time, even after you have left the abusive relationship. It takes time for the stress hormone levels to come back to normal and for the body to function optimally.

11. False Perfectionism
Narcissistic abusers often impose unrealistic expectations of perfection on their victims, which can lead to a sense of false perfectionism.
This occurs when you feel compelled to meet the narcissist’s unattainable standards in order to avoid criticism or punishment.
As a result, you may become overly critical of yourself and strive for an impossible level of perfection, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
12. Doubts About Work
Narcissistic abusers frequently undermine their victims’ work or achievements in order to maintain control and assert their superiority.
This can involve belittling your accomplishments, questioning your competence, or taking credit for your successes.
Over time, these tactics can cause you to doubt your own abilities and question the value of your work, which further erodes your self-confidence and self-worth.
13. Defamation of Character
In an effort to maintain power and control over their victims, narcissistic abusers may engage in defaming the victim’s character.
This can involve spreading rumors, lies, or half-truths about you to damage your reputation and discredit your claims of abuse.
This defamation may not only isolate you from potential sources of support but also make you question your own experiences and memories.
Narcissists love to complain about their victims to other people in their circle as a way of getting attention. The people in this circle are known as flying monkeys.
Understanding the various symptoms of narcissistic abuse can help you and those supporting you identify the effects of the abuse, take steps to leave the trauma-bonded relationships, and plan toward effective treatment options and recovery.
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the Freeze Response
The Freeze Response
When faced with a threat, our bodies respond with one of three reactions:
- fight
- flight
- freeze
While the fight and flight responses involve taking action against or escaping from the perceived danger, the freeze response causes our bodies to become immobilized as a means of self-preservation.
This is particularly common when the threat is perceived as inescapable or overwhelming.
People suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome experience patterns of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical abuse at the hands of the narcissist and develop a chronic freeze response as a way of coping with the ongoing trauma.
Reasons for Freeze Response in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
1. Inescapable Situation
In a narcissistic relationship, you may feel trapped, believing that there is no way out or that escaping the situation will only lead to further harm.
You may have been threatened that you or your family will be harmed should you try to leave the relationship, so you feel trapped.
2. Emotional Manipulation
Narcissists are known for their ability to create an environment of fear, manipulate, and control others, creating an environment where you feel powerless and unable to stand up for yourself.
There is often a threat of physical violence, so keep your head down and out of the firing line.
3. Fear of Retaliation
The threat of punishment, either physical or emotional, can be enough to cause you to freeze, especially if you have experienced past retaliation for attempting to assert yourself.
4. Disconnection from Self
Long-term abuse can lead to a disconnection from one’s own emotions, thoughts, and needs.
The freeze response can be a way for you to avoid confronting these feelings. You may get to the point of not considering how you feel because you’re focused on survival and placating your narcissistic partner.

Overcoming this Freeze Response
1. Awareness
Recognize and understand the freeze response as a coping mechanism. By acknowledging it, you can begin to challenge its hold on your life and understand that you need to change your environment.
2. Seek Professional Help
A mental health professional with experience treating trauma and narcissistic abuse can help you develop strategies for addressing the freeze response and processing the trauma.
3. Establish Boundaries
By learning to set healthy boundaries with the narcissist and others, you can help reduce feelings of powerlessness. Boundaries will help you reframe your mindset and understand the importance of putting yourself first.
4. Engage in Self-Care
You need to prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by practicing self-care, including exercise, proper nutrition, sleep, and social support.
5. Develop a Safety Plan
If you are still in a narcissistic relationship, create a safety plan that outlines the steps you will take to leave the situation, ensuring your well-being and safety and that of any dependents.
The Fawn Response
The fawn response is one of the lesser-known trauma responses, alongside the more commonly recognized fight, flight, and freeze responses.
It occurs when you attempt to appease or placate a perceived threat, usually by being overly accommodating, submissive, or agreeable.
The fawning response is a survival mechanism in response to stress and aims to reduce the risk of harm or conflict by proactively meeting the needs or demands of the potential aggressor.
1. Origins and Development
The fawning response typically develops due to childhood trauma, particularly in environments where caregivers are unpredictable, emotionally unavailable, or abusive.
In these situations, children learn to prioritize the needs and emotions of others over their own, believing that their safety and well-being depend on pleasing their narcissistic parents. Over time, this pattern of behavior becomes ingrained and may persist into adulthood.
2. Characteristics
People who exhibit the fawning response tend to have people-pleasing behaviors, are compliant, eager to please, and are overly empathetic.
They may struggle to assert their own needs and boundaries, and they often go to great lengths to avoid conflict or confrontation.
This can result in them tolerating mistreatment, suppressing their own emotions, and experiencing feelings of resentment and burnout.

3. Relationship with Narcissistic Abuse
The fawning response can be particularly common among victims of narcissistic abuse.
In an attempt to mitigate the abuse, you may adapt by becoming excessively accommodating and submissive, hoping to placate the narcissist and avoid further harm.
However, this behavior can also reinforce the power dynamic in the relationship, making it more difficult for you to recognize the abuse and seek help.
4. Consequences
The fawning response can have negative effects on your mental health and relationships.
It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-worth, as well as a lack of assertiveness and difficulty establishing healthy boundaries.
This can make you more susceptible to further abuse, exploitation, and toxic relationships.
Overcoming the Fawning Response
Healing from the fawning response requires recognizing and understanding the behavior, developing self-awareness, and learning to prioritize one’s own needs and emotions.
This process may involve:
- Seeking therapy with a mental health professional experienced in trauma and codependency
- Practicing assertiveness and boundary-setting skills
- Cultivating self-compassion and self-care practices
- Building a support network of understanding friends and family
- Engaging in activities that foster self-esteem and self-worth
- Mindfulness practices to increase self-awareness and emotional regulation
By addressing the root causes of the fawning response, fawning types can work towards developing healthier coping mechanisms and engaging in more balanced and fulfilling relationships.
Narcissistic Abuse Cycle and Stockholm Syndrome
A victim of narcissistic abuse is often asked why they stayed in the relationship for so long.
People are often confused about why you found it so difficult to leave the narcissistic relationship, why you may often return, or why you claim to love your abuser.
The answer to these questions is the Cycle of Abuse.
The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of manipulative and controlling behavior that narcissists use to maintain power over you.
This cycle can lead to a phenomenon known as Stockholm Syndrome, where you develop an emotional bond with your abuser, despite the abuse you are experiencing.
A. Cycle of abuse
The narcissistic abuse cycle typically involves four distinct phases:
i. Idealization
The narcissist showers you with love, attention, and admiration, creating a sense of being “swept off your feet.”
This phase is designed to establish trust and create an emotional bond between you and the narcissist. This happens early on in the relationship, and the relationship moves very fast in the early stages.
II. Devaluation
Gradually, the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and demean you, eroding your self-worth and confidence.
This phase can be characterized by passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, and emotional or psychological abuse.
III. Discarding
The narcissist may suddenly withdraw their affection and support, leaving you feeling abandoned, confused, and desperate to regain the narcissist’s approval and interaction.
You will long for the connection you once had during the idealization phase.
IV. Hoovering
The narcissist may reappear with renewed affection and promises to change, luring you back into the cycle of abuse. This phase is named after the vacuum cleaner brand “Hoover,” as it symbolizes the narcissist’s attempts to “suck” you back in.

B. Stockholm Syndrome
Stockholm Syndrome refers to the psychological phenomenon where victims of abuse develop an emotional attachment to their abuser, often as a survival mechanism.
This bond can make it difficult for you to recognize the abuse you are experiencing and seek help.
This attachment develops due to the Cycle of Abuse.
C. Relationship between Narcissistic Abuse Cycle and Stockholm Syndrome
The narcissistic abuse cycle can foster the development of Stockholm Syndrome in victims by creating an emotional rollercoaster that keeps them off-balance and vulnerable.
The intermittent reinforcement of affection and abuse creates a powerful bond, and you become increasingly reliant on the narcissist’s approval and validation.
You will suffer from cognitive dissonance, which is when a person has two conflicting beliefs that are held at the same time.
You will experience cognitive dissonance because the person who is supposed to be loving and protecting you is also the same person who is hurting you.
You will often make excuses for your abuser’s behavior to try to make sense of what you are experiencing.
The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on the Brain
Narcissistic abuse can have significant effects on your brain, influencing your mental health, thinking abilities, and emotional well-being.
The changes that might happen in the brain due to narcissistic abuse are:
1. Chronic Stress and the Brain
Narcissistic abuse can cause long-lasting stress, which can lead to changes in the brain’s structure and how it works.
Prolonged stress can result in a decrease in the size of certain parts of the brain responsible for important tasks, such as decision-making, controlling emotions, and restraining impulsive actions.
Also, chronic stress can negatively affect the part of the brain that plays a crucial role in forming and remembering memories.
2. Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response
Victims of narcissistic abuse may frequently experience the “fight, flight, or freeze” response, a natural reaction to perceived threats.
Over time, this constant activation of the stress response can change the way the brain responds to stress, making it more difficult for you to calm down and recover after a stressful event.
This can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
3. Emotional Regulation
Narcissistic abuse can impact your ability to regulate your emotions. The constant stress and emotional upheaval may affect the parts of the brain responsible for controlling emotions, making it harder for you to manage your feelings effectively.
This can result in mood swings, emotional outbursts, and increased sensitivity to stressors.
4. Cognitive Functioning
The stress and trauma caused by narcissistic abuse can also have an impact on your cognitive abilities, such as attention, memory, and problem-solving skills.
In summary, narcissistic abuse can have a profound impact on your brain, leading to changes in mental health, emotional regulation, and cognitive abilities.
Recognizing these effects is crucial for you to understand the full extent of the abuse that you have experienced and seek appropriate support for your recovery.

Treatment of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome
Recovering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome requires time, support, and a commitment to healing. The following are some of the most effective strategies for treating Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and regaining a sense of self-worth and autonomy:
1. Journaling
Writing about your experiences and emotions can be a powerful tool for processing the abuse and gaining clarity about the situation.
Journaling allows you to express your thoughts and feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space, helping to validate your experiences and promote healing.
2. Ending Your Relationship
In many cases, the most effective way to heal from narcissistic abuse is to end the relationship with the narcissist.
This may involve cutting off all contact and creating a safety plan to escape if necessary, particularly if the relationship involves children or other dependents.
3. Grey Rocking Method
If ending the relationship is not possible or practical, using the “grey rock” technique can help minimize the emotional impact of the narcissist’s behaviors.
This involves becoming emotionally unresponsive and uninteresting to the narcissist, making it more difficult for them to manipulate and control you.
4. Get to Know Yourself Again
Reconnecting with your true self and rediscovering your passions, interests, and values is essential to healing from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.
Take the time to explore your own needs and desires and work towards reestablishing your sense of identity.
5. Forgive Yourself
Recognize that you are not to blame for the narcissist’s abusive behavior, and practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Understand that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.
6. Make Healthy Boundaries
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial for preventing future narcissistic abuse and fostering healthier relationships.
Develop an understanding of your own limits and preferences and communicate them clearly to others.
7. Self-Care
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by practicing self-care. This can include engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, getting sufficient sleep, and nurturing supportive social connections.
8. Meditation
Incorporating mindfulness and meditation practices into your daily routine can help reduce stress, promote emotional regulation, and increase self-awareness.
Meditation techniques, such as focused breathing exercises or body scans, can help you develop a deeper connection with your inner self and foster healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
9. Support Groups
Joining a support group for survivors of narcissistic abuse can provide a safe space to share your experiences, learn from others, and receive validation and encouragement.
Connecting with people who have faced similar challenges can help reduce feelings of isolation and foster a sense of community.

10. Therapy
Individual therapy with a mental health professional experienced in treating trauma survivors and narcissistic abuse can be highly beneficial.
Therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) can help you process the trauma, build resilience, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
11. Build a Support Network
Cultivate a network of supportive friends and family who understand your situation and can offer encouragement, understanding, and a listening ear.
Surrounding yourself with positive, nurturing relationships can help counteract the negative effects of the narcissist’s manipulation and control.
12. Educate Yourself
Gain a deeper understanding of narcissistic abuse, its effects, and the process of recovery. Read books, attend workshops or seminars, and join groups of other survivors.
This knowledge can help you make sense of your experiences and empower you to make informed decisions about your healing journey.
13. Set Personal Goals
Establish short-term and long-term goals for your personal growth and development. Focusing on your own aspirations and working towards them can provide a sense of purpose and direction, as well as a sense of accomplishment as you achieve your objectives.
14. Creative Expression
Engage in creative activities such as painting, coloring, writing, dancing, or playing a musical instrument as a means of expressing and processing your emotions.
Creative outlets can be a powerful form of therapy and can help you reconnect with your passions and interests.
15. Practice Gratitude
Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and the progress you have made in your healing journey. This can help shift your perspective and promote a more optimistic outlook on life.
Some days you may only feel like breathing, and that is Okay. Even if you take baby steps each day, over time, you will be able to look back and be proud of the journey you have traveled.
16. Assertiveness Training
Learn and practice assertive communication skills to help you express your needs, desires, and boundaries more effectively without feeling guilty.
Becoming more assertive can boost your self-confidence and improve your relationships with others.
Being assertive does not mean you have to be forceful or aggressive; it just means that you are able to stand up for yourself and express your opinion, your needs, and your desires.
17. Re-establish a Routine
Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability during the recovery process. Consistent routines can help reduce feelings of chaos and unpredictability, allowing you to focus on your healing journey.
18. Give Back
Helping others, whether through volunteering or offering support to fellow survivors, can provide a sense of purpose and contribute to your own healing.
Engaging in acts of kindness can foster a sense of connection and well-being.
Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse is a process, and it may take time to fully recover. Be patient with yourself and seek the appropriate support and resources to facilitate your journey toward healing and self-discovery.

Why a Narcissist Always Plays the Victim
As a victim of narcissistic abuse, it is often useful to understand why the narcissist always plays the victim. Narcissists are known for their manipulative and self-centered behaviors, which often include playing the victim.
This tactic serves multiple purposes, all of which further the narcissist’s agenda and maintain their sense of self-importance.
The following points explain some of the reasons why narcissists frequently adopt the victim role:
1. Manipulation and Control
By portraying themselves as victims, narcissists can manipulate the emotions of those around them, eliciting sympathy and support. This manipulation can enable them to control others, maintain their position of power in the relationship, and still look like the good guy.
2. Avoidance of Accountability
Playing the victim allows narcissists to deflect blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. By shifting the focus onto their own perceived suffering, they can evade accountability and maintain their self-image as faultless.
3. Validation and Attention
Narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and validation. By presenting themselves as victims, they can attract attention and sympathy, fulfilling their need for recognition and reinforcing their self-importance.
4. Justification for Their Actions
By framing themselves as victims, narcissists can rationalize their abusive and manipulative behaviors. They may argue that they are only acting in self-defense or in response to the actions of others, thereby justifying their own harmful actions.
5. The exploitation of Empathy
Narcissists are skilled at exploiting the empathetic nature of others. By playing the victim, they can take advantage of people’s natural inclination to help and support those in distress, furthering their own goals and desires.

6. Maintenance of a False Self-Image
Narcissists often construct a false self-image that is grandiose and idealized. Playing the victim can help maintain this façade, as they can present themselves as innocent, misunderstood, or unfairly targeted by others.
7. Discrediting Opponents
By adopting the victim role, narcissists can undermine the credibility of those who criticize or challenge them. By casting their opponents as aggressors or bullies, they can discredit their arguments and maintain the upper hand in conflicts.
Understanding why narcissists play the victim can help those who have been subjected to their manipulation recognize this tactic and develop strategies to protect themselves from further emotional harm. It is important to maintain healthy boundaries, seek support, and prioritize self-care when dealing with a narcissist.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?
Narcissistic Victim Syndrome (NVS) refers to a set of symptoms that you might develop after being in a relationship with someone exhibiting narcissistic tendencies or diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). These symptoms can manifest emotionally, psychologically, and sometimes physically due to prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse.
2. Is Narcissistic Victim Syndrome officially recognized as a medical diagnosis?
No, Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is not currently recognized as an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, many mental health professionals acknowledge the unique challenges and symptoms faced by victims of narcissistic abuse.
3. What are the common symptoms of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?
Symptoms can vary but often include feelings of worthlessness, confusion, self-blame, constant self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and even symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Victims might also experience emotional detachment, chronic guilt, and an overwhelming sense of shame.
4. Can someone recover from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome?
Yes, with the right support and therapeutic interventions, recovery is possible. Recovery may involve therapy, joining support groups, establishing boundaries, and seeking safety from the abusive environment.
5. What can friends and family do to support someone with Narcissistic victim syndrome?
Recognizing the signs is the first step. Offer a listening ear, validate their feelings, and encourage seeking professional help. Educate yourself about narcissistic abuse and its effects, and always approach the person with empathy, patience, and understanding.
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This guide to Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the Freeze Response has explored the intricacies of narcissistic abuse, its effects on you, and the various coping mechanisms that you can adopt in response to this dysfunctional relationship and abuse.
A clear understanding of the narcissistic abuse cycle, the phenomenon of Stockholm Syndrome, and the fawning response is essential to recognizing the complexity of narcissistic abuse and being able to address it.
You need to be aware of the various symptoms you may experience, including false perfectionism, self-doubt, and defamation of character, as these can further erode your self-worth and make it difficult to seek help.
The road to recovery from narcissistic abuse and overcoming the freeze response may be challenging, but it is possible with the right support, self-care, and personal growth strategies.
By acknowledging the abuse, ending unhealthy and abusive relationships, and seeking professional help, you can begin the healing process.
My hope is that by fostering compassionate support and raising awareness, we can encourage those who have experienced narcissistic abuse to seek assistance, break the cycle, and live healthier, more fulfilling lives.
This had help me so much to understand why and how people act and blame others for their actions.
Hi Gayle so happy to hear that the article was a great help.