Guide to Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Have you been on the receiving end of a narcissist or know someone who has?  A lot of time is spent discussing the narcissist but what does it feel like to be the person on the receiving end of the narcissistic abuser and what are the narcissistic victim syndrome and freeze response?

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome is a term used to describe the emotional and psychological effects experienced by those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist. 

Narcissists are individuals who possess an inflated sense of self-importance, an insatiable need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others among other things. 

The freeze response is one of the ways our bodies react to emotional trauma, verbal abuse, stress, and danger, that is experienced in these relationships.  The freeze response can become a coping mechanism for those suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome. 

In this article, we’ll explore the Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the freeze response, so that we can better understand what a victim of narcissistic abuse goes through.

What is narcissistic Victim Syndrome?

Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome (NAS) is a term used to collectively describe the adverse symptoms experienced by individuals who have been subjected on a daily basis to the manipulative and abusive behaviors of a narcissist. 

This syndrome is characterized by a range of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical symptoms that arise from prolonged exposure to narcissistic abuse. 

Narcissistic abuse victims often experience feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and depression, as well as symptoms of anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and complex PTSD. 

The abuse at the hands of narcissistic people comes in various forms, including gaslighting, emotional blackmail, passive-aggressive behaviors, excessive criticism, and manipulation of the victim’s emotions, thoughts, and beliefs as well as domestic violence in some cases. 

As a result, the victim will develop coping mechanisms, such as the freeze response, to be able to endure the overwhelming experience of the persistent trauma inflicted by the narcissist. 

Overcoming Narcissistic Victim Syndrome requires the victim to realize that what they are experiencing is not their fault and that they are not responsible for someone else’s behavior.  

They will require support to overcome the trauma bonding, and strategies to heal from the abuse and re-establish their own sense of self-worth and autonomy.

Main Signs of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome can manifest in various ways, affecting both the emotional and physical well-being of the victim. The main signs of trauma resulting from narcissistic abuse are as follows:

1. Walking on Eggshells

Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves constantly on edge, trying to avoid conflict or displeasing the narcissist.

This can result in a constant state of anxiety and hypervigilance, as they attempt to predict and adapt to the narcissist’s unpredictable mood swings and demands.  

Often trying to read body language and behavioral patterns as a way of anticipating their abusive partner’s mood.

2. Mistrust

Prolonged exposure to manipulation and deceit can lead victims to develop a deep sense of mistrust, not only towards the narcissist but also of their own judgment and perception of reality, as well as towards others in their lives.  

They are constantly being blamed for everything that goes wrong in the relationship and so begin to doubt themselves and lose all confidence in their own abilities.  

This lack of confidence and the fear of doing something that will cause the narcissist to explode results in the victim losing themselves and their judgment of reality.

3. Self-Isolation

As a result of the abuse, victims may withdraw from friends and family, either due to the narcissist’s control or out of fear of judgment and misunderstanding from others.

This isolation can exacerbate feelings of loneliness and helplessness.  

Self-isolation also happens as the victim lives in a state of overwhelm and high alert and will find it difficult to participate in conversations, follow a train of thought, and remember discussions and, they often find themselves zoning out.

4. Loss of Self-Worth

Persistent criticism, gaslighting, and emotional manipulation will erode the victim’s self-esteem and confidence, leaving them feeling worthless and undeserving of love or respect.

5. Loneliness

Despite being in a relationship with the narcissist, victims may feel profoundly lonely, as the narcissist is often incapable of providing genuine emotional support, understanding, or empathy.

They also end up feeling lonely and living in their heads due to the abuse, and isolation as well as having to deal with cognitive dissonance.

6. Doubting the Abuse Happened

Due to the manipulative tactics used by the narcissist, victims may question their own experiences and memories, wondering if the abuse was real or if they are overreacting.  

After the abuse during the phase when the narcissist is apologizing and offering “love and attention” the victim will often make excuses for the abuse often blaming themselves and underplaying what took place.

7. Trouble Making Decisions

As a result of the narcissist’s control and manipulation, victims lose their decision-making abilities. They avoid making decisions independently, fearing the consequences of making the “wrong” decisions.

8. Freezing Up

The freeze response, as previously discussed, can become a coping mechanism for those suffering from Narcissistic abuse, causing them to become immobilized in situations where they feel threatened or overwhelmed.  

Living with a narcissistic individual the victim will be super vigilant, their flight response constantly on the alert, and their stress hormone, cortisol will be at super high levels. At times this leads to a point of overwhelm and the freeze response kicks in to protect the brain.

9. Restlessness

The constant stress and anxiety associated with narcissistic abuse can lead to restlessness and difficulty relaxing, even when the victim is away from the narcissist.  

This is often due to the high levels of stress hormones in their systems and the flight response being alert.

10. Other Physical Symptoms

Chronic stress and trauma can result in a range of physical symptoms, including headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, sleep disturbances, and a weakened immune system.

These symptoms may persist for a time even after the victim has left the abusive relationship.  It takes time for the stress hormone levels to come back to normal and for the body to function optimally.

11. False Perfectionism

Narcissistic abusers often impose unrealistic expectations of perfection on their victims, which can lead to a sense of false perfectionism.

This occurs when the victim feels compelled to meet the narcissist’s unattainable standards in order to avoid criticism or punishment.

As a result, the victim may become overly critical of themselves and strive for an impossible level of perfection, which can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

12. Doubts About Work

Narcissistic abusers frequently undermine their victims’ work or achievements in order to maintain control and assert their superiority.

This can involve belittling the victim’s accomplishments, questioning their competence, or taking credit for their successes.

Over time, these tactics can cause the victim to doubt their own abilities and question the value of their work, which further erodes their self-confidence and self-worth.

13. Defamation of Character

In an effort to maintain power and control over their victims, narcissistic abusers may engage in defaming the victim’s character.

This can involve spreading rumors, lies, or half-truths about the victim to damage their reputation and discredit their claims of abuse.

This defamation may not only isolate the victim from potential sources of support but also make them question their own experiences and memories.

Narcissists love to complain about their victims to other people in their circle as a way of getting attention. The people in this circle are known as flying monkeys.

Understanding the various symptoms of narcissistic abuse can help both victims and those supporting them to identify the effects of the abuse and take steps to leave the trauma-bonded relationships and plan toward effective treatment options and recovery.

Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the Freeze Response

The Freeze Response

When faced with a threat, our bodies respond with one of three reactions:

• fight
• flight
• freeze

While the fight and flight responses involve taking action against or escaping from the perceived danger, the freeze response causes our bodies to become immobilized as a means of self-preservation. 

This is particularly common when the threat is perceived as inescapable or too overwhelming.

Individuals suffering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome experience patterns of emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical abuse at the hands of the narcissist and develop a chronic freeze response as a way of coping with the ongoing trauma. 

Reasons for freeze response in Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

1. Inescapable Situation

In a narcissistic relationship, the victim may feel trapped, believing that there is no way out or that escaping the situation will only lead to further harm.  

They are often threatened that they or their families will be harmed should they try to leave the relationship.

2. Emotional Manipulation

Narcissists are known for their ability to create an environment of fear, manipulate and control others, creating an environment where the victim feels powerless and unable to stand up for themselves.  

There is often a threat of physical violence and so the victim keeps their head down and out of the firing line.

3. Fear of Retaliation

The threat of punishment, either physical or emotional, can be enough to cause the victim to freeze, especially if they have experienced past retaliation for attempting to assert themselves.

4. Disconnection from Self

Long-term abuse can lead to a disconnection from one’s own emotions, thoughts, and needs.

The freeze response can be a way for the victim to avoid confronting these feelings.  They get to a point of not considering how they feel as they’re focused on survival and placating their narcissistic partner.

Overcoming this Freeze Response

1. Awareness

Recognize and understand the freeze response as a coping mechanism. By acknowledging it, you can begin to challenge its hold on your life and understand that you need to change your environment.

2. Seek Professional Help

A mental health professional with experience in treating trauma and narcissistic abuse can help you develop strategies for addressing the freeze response and processing the trauma.

3. Establish Boundaries

By learning to set healthy boundaries with the narcissist and others, the victim can help to reduce feelings of powerlessness. Boundaries will help the victim to reframe their mindset and to understand the importance of putting themselves first.

4. Engage in Self-Care

Victims need to prioritize their physical, emotional, and mental well-being by practicing self-care, including exercise, proper nutrition, sleep, and social support.

5. Develop a Safety Plan

If you are still in a narcissistic relationship, create a safety plan that outlines the steps you will take to leave the situation, ensuring your well-being and safety and that of any dependents.

The Fawn Response

The fawn response is one of the lesser-known trauma responses, alongside the more commonly recognized fight, flight, and freeze responses.

It occurs when an individual attempts to appease or placate a perceived threat, usually by being overly accommodating, submissive, or agreeable. 

The fawning response is a survival mechanism in response to stress and aims to reduce the risk of harm or conflict by proactively meeting the needs or demands of the potential aggressor.

1. Origins and Development

The fawning response typically develops due to childhood trauma, particularly in environments where caregivers are unpredictable, emotionally unavailable, or abusive.

In these situations, children learn to prioritize the needs and emotions of others over their own, believing that their safety and well-being depend on pleasing their narcissistic parents. Over time, this pattern of behavior becomes ingrained and may persist into adulthood.

2. Characteristics

People who exhibit the fawning response tend to have people-pleasing behaviors, are compliant, eager to please, and overly empathetic.

They may struggle to assert their own needs and boundaries and often go to great lengths to avoid conflict or confrontation. This can result in them tolerating mistreatment, suppressing their own emotions, and experiencing feelings of resentment and burnout.

3. Relationship with Narcissistic Abuse

The fawning response can be particularly common among victims of narcissistic abuse.

In an attempt to mitigate the abuse, victims may adapt by becoming excessively accommodating and submissive, hoping to placate the narcissist and avoid further harm.

However, this behavior can also reinforce the power dynamic in the relationship, making it more difficult for the victim to recognize the abuse and seek help.

4. Consequences

The fawning response can have negative effects on a person’s mental health and relationships.

It can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-worth, as well as a lack of assertiveness and difficulty establishing healthy boundaries.

This can make individuals more susceptible to further abuse, exploitation, and toxic relationships.

Overcoming the Fawning Response

Healing from the fawning response requires recognizing and understanding the behavior, developing self-awareness, and learning to prioritize one’s own needs and emotions.

This process may involve:

• Seeking therapy with a mental health professional experienced in trauma and codependency
• Practicing assertiveness and boundary-setting skills
• Cultivating self-compassion and self-care practices
• Building a support network of understanding friends and family
• Engaging in activities that foster self-esteem and self-worth
• Mindfulness practices to increase self-awareness and emotional regulation

By addressing the root causes of the fawning response, fawn types can work towards developing healthier coping mechanisms and engaging in more balanced and fulfilling relationships.

Narcissistic Abuse Cycle and Stockholm Syndrome

A victim of narcissistic abuse is often asked why they stayed in the relationship for so long.  

People are often confused about why victims find it so difficult to leave narcissistic relationships, why they may often return, or why they claim to love their abuser.

The answer to these questions is the Cycle of Abuse.

The narcissistic abuse cycle is a pattern of manipulative and controlling behavior that narcissists use to maintain power over their victims.

This cycle can lead to a phenomenon known as Stockholm Syndrome, where the victim develops an emotional bond with their abuser, despite the abuse they are experiencing. 

A. Cycle of abuse

The narcissistic abuse cycle typically involves four distinct phases:

i. Idealization

The narcissist showers their victim with love, attention, and admiration, creating a sense of being “swept off their feet.” This phase is designed to establish trust and create an emotional bond between the narcissist and the victim.  This happens early on in the relationship and the relationship moves very fast in the early stages.

II. Devaluation

Gradually, the narcissist begins to criticize, belittle, and demean their victim, eroding their self-worth and confidence. This phase can be characterized by passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, and emotional or psychological abuse.

III. Discarding

The narcissist may suddenly withdraw their affection and support, leaving the victim feeling abandoned, confused, and desperate to regain the narcissist’s approval and interaction.  

They will long for the connection they once had during the idealization phase.

IV. Hoovering

The narcissist may reappear with renewed affection and promises to change, luring the victim back into the cycle of abuse. This phase is named after the vacuum cleaner brand “Hoover,” as it symbolizes the narcissist’s attempts to “suck” the victim back in.

B. Stockholm Syndrome

Stockholm Syndrome refers to the psychological phenomenon where victims of abuse develop an emotional attachment to their abuser, often as a survival mechanism. This bond can make it difficult for victims to recognize the abuse they are experiencing and seek help. 

This attachment develops due to the Cycle of Abuse.

C. Relationship between Narcissistic Abuse Cycle and Stockholm Syndrome

The narcissistic abuse cycle can foster the development of Stockholm Syndrome in victims by creating an emotional rollercoaster that keeps them off-balance and vulnerable.

The intermittent reinforcement of affection and abuse creates a powerful bond, as the victim becomes increasingly reliant on the narcissist’s approval and validation.  

The victim suffers from cognitive dissonance which is when a person has two conflicting beliefs that are held at the same time.  

The victim experiences cognitive dissonance because the person that is supposed to be loving and protecting them is also the same person that is hurting them.  

They will often make excuses for their abuser’s behavior to try and make sense of what they are experiencing.

The Impact of Narcissistic Abuse on the Brain 

Narcissistic abuse can have significant effects on the victim’s brain, influencing their mental health, thinking abilities, and emotional well-being.

The changes that might happen in the brain due to narcissistic abuse:

1. Chronic Stress and the Brain

Narcissistic abuse can cause long-lasting stress, which can lead to changes in the brain’s structure and how it works. Prolonged stress can result in a decrease in the size of certain parts of the brain responsible for important tasks, such as decision-making, controlling emotions, and restraining impulsive actions.

Also, chronic stress can negatively affect the part of the brain that plays a crucial role in forming and remembering memories.

2. Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response

Victims of narcissistic abuse may frequently experience the “fight, flight, or freeze” response, a natural reaction to perceived threats.

Over time, this constant activation of the stress response can change the way the brain responds to stress, making it more difficult for the victim to calm down and recover after a stressful event.

This can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.

3. Emotional Regulation

Narcissistic abuse can impact the victim’s ability to regulate their emotions. The constant stress and emotional upheaval may affect the parts of the brain responsible for controlling emotions, making it harder for the victim to manage their feelings effectively.

This can result in mood swings, emotional outbursts, and increased sensitivity to stressors.

4. Cognitive Functioning

The stress and trauma caused by narcissistic abuse can also have an impact on the victim’s cognitive abilities, such as attention, memory, and problem-solving skills. 

In summary, narcissistic abuse can have a profound impact on the victim’s brain, leading to changes in mental health, emotional regulation, and cognitive abilities.

Recognizing these effects is crucial for victims to understand the full extent of the abuse they have experienced and seek appropriate support for their recovery.

Treatment of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome

Recovering from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome requires time, support, and a commitment to healing. The following are some of the most effective strategies for treating Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and regaining a sense of self-worth and autonomy:

1. Journaling

Writing about your experiences and emotions can be a powerful tool in processing the abuse and gaining clarity about the situation. Journaling allows you to express your thoughts and feelings in a safe and non-judgmental space, helping to validate your experiences and promote healing.

2. Ending Your Relationship

In many cases, the most effective way to heal from narcissistic abuse is to end the relationship with the narcissist. This may involve cutting off all contact and creating a safety plan to escape if necessary, particularly if the relationship involves children or other dependents.

3. Grey Rocking Method

If ending the relationship is not possible or practical, using the “grey rock” technique can help minimize the emotional impact of the narcissist’s behaviors.

This involves becoming emotionally unresponsive and uninteresting to the narcissist, making it more difficult for them to manipulate and control you.

4. Get to Know Yourself Again

Reconnecting with your true self and rediscovering your passions, interests, and values is essential to healing from Narcissistic Victim Syndrome.

Take the time to explore your own needs and desires, and work towards reestablishing your sense of identity.

5. Forgive Yourself

Recognize that you are not to blame for the narcissist’s abusive behavior, and practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Understand that you did the best you could with the knowledge and resources you had at the time.

6. Make Healthy Boundaries

Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries is crucial for preventing future narcissistic abuse and fostering healthier relationships. Develop an understanding of your own limits and preferences and communicate them clearly to others.

7. Self-Care

Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being by practicing self-care. This can include engaging in regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, getting sufficient sleep, and nurturing supportive social connections.

8. Meditation

Incorporating mindfulness and meditation practices into your daily routine can help reduce stress, promote emotional regulation, and increase self-awareness.

Meditation techniques, such as focused breathing exercises or body scans, can help develop a deeper connection with your inner self and foster healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.

9. Support Groups

Joining a support group for survivors of narcissistic abuse can provide a safe space to share your experiences, learn from others, and receive validation and encouragement.

Connecting with people who have faced similar challenges can help reduce feelings of isolation and foster a sense of community.

10. Therapy

Individual therapy with a mental health professional experienced in treating a trauma survivor and narcissistic abuse can be highly beneficial.

Therapeutic approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and Trauma Releasing Exercises (TRE) can help you process the trauma, build resilience, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

11. Build a Support Network

Cultivate a network of supportive friends and family who understand your situation and can offer encouragement, understanding, and a listening ear.

Surrounding yourself with positive, nurturing relationships can help counteract the negative effects of the narcissist’s manipulation and control.

12. Educate Yourself

Gain a deeper understanding of narcissistic abuse, its effects, and the process of recovery. Read books, attend workshops or seminars, and join groups of other survivors.

This knowledge can help you make sense of your experiences and empower you to make informed decisions about your healing journey.

13. Set Personal Goals

Establish short-term and long-term goals for your personal growth and development. Focusing on your own aspirations and working towards them can provide a sense of purpose and direction, as well as a sense of accomplishment as you achieve your objectives.

14. Creative Expression

Engage in creative activities such as painting, coloring, writing, dancing, or playing a musical instrument as a means of expressing and processing your emotions.

Creative outlets can be a powerful form of therapy and can help you reconnect with your passions and interests.

15. Practice Gratitude

Cultivate a mindset of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life and the progress you have made in your healing journey. This can help shift your perspective and promote a more optimistic outlook on life.

Some days you may only feel like breathing and that is Okay. Even if you take baby steps each day over time you will be able to look back and be proud of the journey you have traveled.

16. Assertiveness Training

Learn and practice assertive communication skills to help you express your needs, desires, and boundaries more effectively without feeling guilty. Becoming more assertive can boost your self-confidence and improve your relationships with others.

Being assertive does not mean you have to be forceful or aggressive, it just means that you are able to stand up for yourself and express your opinion, your needs, and desires.

17. Re-establish a Routine

Establishing a daily routine can provide structure and stability during the recovery process. Consistent routines can help reduce feelings of chaos and unpredictability, allowing you to focus on your healing journey.

18. Give Back

Helping others, whether through volunteering or offering support to fellow survivors, can provide a sense of purpose and contribute to your own healing. Engaging in acts of kindness can foster a sense of connection and well-being.

Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse is a process, and it may take time to fully recover. Be patient with yourself and seek the appropriate support and resources to facilitate your journey toward healing and self-discovery.

Why a Narcissist Always Plays the Victim

As a victim of narcissistic abuse, it is often useful to understand why the narcissist always plays the victim. Narcissists are known for their manipulative and self-centered behaviors, which often include playing the victim.

This tactic serves multiple purposes, all of which further the narcissist’s agenda and maintain their sense of self-importance. The following points explain some of the reasons why narcissists frequently adopt the victim role:

1. Manipulation and Control

By portraying themselves as victims, narcissists can manipulate the emotions of those around them, eliciting sympathy and support. This manipulation can enable them to control others and maintain their position of power in the relationship and still look like the good guy.

2. Avoidance of Accountability

Playing the victim allows narcissists to deflect blame and avoid taking responsibility for their actions. By shifting the focus onto their own perceived suffering, they can evade accountability and maintain their self-image as faultless.

3. Validation and Attention

Narcissists have an insatiable need for admiration and validation. By presenting themselves as victims, they can attract attention and sympathy, fulfilling their need for recognition and reinforcing their self-importance.

4. Justification for Their Actions

By framing themselves as victims, narcissists can rationalize their abusive and manipulative behaviors. They may argue that they are only acting in self-defense or in response to the actions of others, thereby justifying their own harmful actions.

5. The exploitation of Empathy

Narcissists are skilled at exploiting the empathetic nature of others. By playing the victim, they can take advantage of people’s natural inclination to help and support those in distress, furthering their own goals and desires.

6. Maintenance of a False Self-Image

Narcissists often construct a false self-image that is grandiose and idealized. Playing the victim can help maintain this façade, as they can present themselves as innocent, misunderstood, or unfairly targeted by others.

7. Discrediting Opponents

By adopting the victim role, narcissists can undermine the credibility of those who criticize or challenge them. By casting their opponents as aggressors or bullies, they can discredit their arguments and maintain the upper hand in conflicts.

Understanding why narcissists play the victim can help those who have been subjected to their manipulation recognize this tactic and develop strategies to protect themselves from further emotional harm. It is important to maintain healthy boundaries, seek support, and prioritize self-care when dealing with a narcissist.

Conclusion

This guide to Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the freeze response, has explored the intricacies of narcissistic abuse, its effects on victims, and the various coping mechanisms that individuals may adopt in response to this dysfunctional relationship and abuse. 

A clear understanding of the narcissistic abuse cycle, the phenomenon of Stockholm Syndrome, and the fawning response is essential in recognizing the complexity of narcissistic abuse and being able to address it. 

Victims need to be aware of the various symptoms they may experience, including false perfectionism, self-doubt, and defamation of character, as these can further erode their self-worth and make it difficult to seek help.

The road to recovery from narcissistic abuse and overcoming the freeze response may be challenging, but it is possible with the right support, self-care, and personal growth strategies. 

By acknowledging the abuse, ending unhealthy and abusive relationships, and seeking professional help, victims can begin the healing process.

Ultimately, this guide serves as a valuable resource for victims, their loved ones, and anyone wishing to better understand the complexities of Narcissistic Victim Syndrome and the freeze response. 

My wish is that by raising awareness and promoting compassionate support, we can empower those affected by narcissistic abuse to seek help and break free from the cycle and lead healthier, more fulfilling lives.