Picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship
The end of a toxic relationship is not easy and picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship may seem overwhelming.
Most people understand the risks that relationships or marriage bring, but no one gets into them with the expectation of having to deal with a toxic breakup or divorce.
Divorce ranks as one of the most stressful situations anyone can go through.
Dealing with a divorce is no small matter. It requires patience and stamina and there are no shortcuts.
Even if you don’t have kids or other assets to deal with, the end of a toxic relationship or a divorce still has a huge impact on your life. You will need to:
- find a new place to call home
- decide what’s most important to you and set new boundaries.
- ask for help – don’t be afraid of needing support during this time.
- reorganize your finances
- give yourself time to heal
- rebuild your social circle
- learn lessons from your toxic relationship
- learn to take care of yourself and your health
But even in the midst of all this stress and upheaval, picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship can be an empowering moment.
It means you have been able to stand up for yourself and what you want in life and that you didn’t settle for anything less than what you deserve and what makes you happy.
And that’s the real victory of ending a toxic relationship or a divorce: You’ll come out of it as a stronger person who knows yourself better than ever before.
tips on picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship.
Find a place to call home
Finding a new place to call your own sounds simple, right? But whilst you’re picking up the pieces after a breakup from a toxic relationship, the simplest of tasks may feel overwhelming.
So start by finding a place of your own where you can feel safe, for yourself or for you and your children.
If finances are tight, which they often are after a toxic relationship or divorce you may be eligible for government assistance. Alternatively, you may be able to reach out to family for assistance while you get back on your feet.
The safety and security of a new place to live, that you can call home will really help you while you pick up the pieces of your life and start rebuilding on your terms.
Decide what’s most important to you
The abuse throughout your toxic relationship or marriage may have resulted in you giving up on aspirations you had because of your partner’s opinions or expectations. When this comes to an end, there is an opportunity to reconnect with your passions and reclaim your dreams.
Do you have any dreams tucked away in a dusty corner of your heart? What are you waiting for?
Now is the time to bring them out, dust them off, and give them a try. Even if you’re not sure exactly what you want, every journey begins with a single step.
Decide on what you want in your new life and make decisions that will help you achieve those preferred outcomes. Learn to stop saying yes when in fact you actually mean no. It is ok to say ‘no thank you’ and ‘I’m unable to assist you today but maybe next time.’
Stop being concerned about disappointing people and focus more on what it is that you need to achieve.
You can’t go anywhere if you stand still in the same place you’ve always been.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
You may have spent years taking care of your toxic partner and all their demands and expectations before you decided to leave or get divorced, and now you’re left with all the responsibilities and none of the support.
You’re probably feeling overwhelmed, but there are people out there who want to help you and can help you whilst you are picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends, family members, or even support groups.
Don’t feel ashamed of what you have been through, it can happen to anyone.
Reorganize your Finances
One of the most important things to do after a divorce is to get your finances in order.
If you’ve been supporting your spouse or vice versa, you will probably have to make adjustments to your spending habits. You can look into government assistance, or maybe you have assets you can sell, but do your best to come up with a plan to get back on your feet financially.
For example, if you have kids and you have to pay child support, make sure to set up a savings plan to ensure you have that money when it’s time to pay. The children depend on you and should not be involved in any disputes that exist between the parents.
If you have been a stay-at-home mom, this will be more difficult and will depend on your skill set and how long you have been out of the workplace. Don’t feel sorry for yourself or be a victim of the situation as this will just make the process more difficult. Take baby steps but just make sure you are moving forward to financial freedom.
Ex-toxic partners often use money as a weapon to punish you after the breakup. Part of picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship is to aim at becoming financially independent as soon as possible.
Yes, this may mean carrying the financial responsibility of raising children alone. But at least you will be free from further abuse and can rebuild your life on your terms.
give yourself time to heal
The end of a toxic relationship or divorce is a traumatic and emotional event. You might be left picking up the pieces of your life and you will take time to heal. Please give yourself that time to heal and rediscover yourself.
Give yourself time to process what happened and feel your feelings.
Take the opportunity to decide what makes you happy and what you want out of life.
It’s okay to take time off from dating. You might not feel like getting back into the dating scene. It’s often best not to jump back into dating because you need time to pick up the pieces of your life and find yourself and where you want to be.
Toxic partners usually go from one relationship into the next as if you never existed. Just because they’re in a new relationship doesn’t mean that you have to be.
Take your time and do what feels right for you.
Rebuild Your Social Circle
Get out of the house.
Not only can you keep your previous social schedule, but you can also consider adding to it. Join a yoga class or a golf league.
Create something new that you can enjoy with others. You won’t find any solutions while you’re sitting on the couch, staring out the window.
If money is tight, participate in things that don’t cost money like a walk in the park, or having coffee with friends.
Start doing things that you enjoy even if you have to force yourself in the beginning.
Learn lessons from your toxic relationship
A part of picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship is to learn from your toxic relationship or divorce. The following questions will help you to dig below the surface and uncover some insight that will assist you in the future.
- What went wrong?
- What did you learn from this experience?
- What were the good and bad qualities of your partner?
- What type of person do you believe would be the best match for you?
- What mistakes did you make along the way?
- How did this happen to you?
- What were the red flags you would look out for in the future?
The end of a toxic relationship or divorce is a painful experience, but a great learning opportunity.
An opportunity to learn about yourself, your self-esteem, values, and your boundaries.
You will have a lot more confidence in your next relationship if you use what you learned from this bad experience.
Conclusion
After your toxic relationship ends or you get divorced, you’ll go through a wide range of emotions. It’s okay to feel sad and upset. It’s okay to feel angry and bitter.
And it’s most importantly okay to feel like you need time to heal and process what happened.
It takes courage and endurance but making a positive effort whilst picking up the pieces after a toxic relationship or divorce is so worth it. You can finally be happy and excited about your future.
Toxic relationships and divorce can happen to anyone but it’s up to you to make the most of what comes afterward.
