Ways to Deal with a Selfish Man in a Relationship

In an intimate relationship, encountering a selfish man can be a difficult and emotionally draining experience. Relationships, by their very nature, require mutual respect, understanding, and a balance of give-and-take.

However, when selfish tendencies infiltrate the relationship, it disrupts the harmony and leaves one partner feeling neglected and undervalued.

Understanding the root causes of your partner’s selfish behavior will help you address and manage it more effectively. Whether it stems from past experiences, underlying insecurities, or simply a lack of awareness, recognizing these factors is the first step toward positive change.

Dealing with a selfish man is not about winning a battle but about nurturing a healthier, more respectful partnership without excusing his selfish tendencies.

Do not make excuses for your partner’s selfish behavior because it will result in you feeling unimportant, neglected, and unloved.

I found it frustrating and painful to feel like I was giving my all to the relationship, but my partner was not reciprocating. 

Recognizing Selfish Behavior

Being in a relationship with a selfish man is without a doubt difficult, so it’s important to recognize the warning signs of selfish tendencies or a self-centered person early on so you can address them before they become a bigger issue in a more serious relationship.

Warning Signs of a Selfish Partner

What does selfishness in a relationship mean, why does it happen, and how does it affect your relationship?

A. What Does Selfish Behavior Look Like?

Selfishness in your relationship might show up in different ways.

The signs of a selfish person include:

1. Making Decisions Alone: They decide things without thinking about what you want or need.
2. Talking Mostly About Themselves: In conversations, they mostly talk about their own lives and don’t ask much about yours.
3. Always put their needs before yours: A selfish man will prioritize his own needs and wants over yours. He may expect you to drop everything to cater to his needs without considering how it affects you.
4. Lack of empathy: A selfish man may struggle to understand or care about your feelings. He may dismiss your concerns or feelings, or even blame you for them.
5. Refuses to compromise: A selfish man may refuse to compromise or negotiate in a relationship. He may not be willing to meet you halfway or make any sacrifices for the relationship.
6. Takes without giving: A selfish man may take from the relationship without giving anything in return. He may not contribute to the relationship in any meaningful way, leaving you feeling unappreciated and undervalued.

B. Why Are Some People Selfish in Relationships?

Understanding why your partner might be acting selfishly can be complicated. It often comes down to:

1. Their Past: Maybe they didn’t get enough attention in the past, so now they focus mostly on themselves.
2. Feeling Insecure: Sometimes, people act selfishly because they’re not feeling great about themselves and are trying to cover that up.
3. Struggling with Empathy: They might have a hard time understanding and sharing your feelings.

C. How Does Selfishness Affect Your Relationship?

When your partner is often selfish, it can hurt your relationship in several ways:

1. Trust and Respect Get Damaged: A selfish guy who is always putting themselves first will result in you feeling like you cannot rely on them.
2. Feeling Lonely: You might start feeling alone in your relationship with a selfish guy because your needs and feelings aren’t being acknowledged.
3. More Arguments and Hurt Feelings: Constant selfish tendencies can lead to fights and feelings of hurt or anger towards your partner.

D. Occasional Selfish Acts vs Selfish Ways

It’s important to distinguish between occasional selfish acts, which are common in everyone, and fundamentally selfish people.

A partner who exhibits selfish behaviors sporadically, especially under stress or external pressures, may not be inherently selfish. 

However, if these behaviors are a consistent pattern, it indicates selfishness.

How to Deal with a Selfish Man in a Relationship

1. Communication Strategies

When your partner is acting selfishly, it’s important to talk to them about their selfish ways. But how you communicate can make a big difference.

Here are some ways to improve communication in your relationship.

One of the most important aspects of communication is emotional support. Your partner may be more willing to listen to your concerns if they feel emotionally supported. Make sure to create a safe space for open dialogue where both of you can express your feelings without fear of judgment.

A. Start the Conversation 

1. Pick the Right Time: Choose a moment when both of you are calm and not busy. Avoid starting this talk during an argument or when either of you is upset.
2. Focus on ‘I’ Statements: Instead of blaming, say things like “I feel…” or “I need…”. This helps you express yourself without making your partner feel attacked.
3. Be Clear and Specific: Explain exactly what actions or behaviors are bothering you. Being vague won’t help your partner understand how you feel.

B. Dealing with Defensive Reactions

1. Stay Calm: If your partner gets defensive, try to stay calm. Getting angry or upset will only escalate the situation.
2. Listen to Their Side: Give them a chance to explain their perspective. Understanding where they’re coming from can help you both find a solution.
3. Reaffirm Your Feelings: Even if they’re defensive, remind them that your feelings and needs are valid and important.

C. Working Towards Mutual Understanding

1. Encourage Empathy: Ask your partner to see things from your point of view. Help them understand how their behavior affects you.
2. Seek Compromise: Look for solutions that work for both of you. A relationship is about give and take from both sides.
3. Follow Up: After your conversation, check in with each other later to see how things are going. Communication should be ongoing, not just a one-time thing.

D. Addressing Your Concerns with Open-Ended Questions

When addressing your concerns with a selfish guy, it’s often helpful to use open-ended questions. This type of question encourages thoughtful conversation and allows your partner to express their point of view. Avoid using closed-ended questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.”

Here are some examples of open-ended questions:

• How do you feel about our relationship?
• What do you think we can do to improve our communication?
• Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?

By using open-ended questions, you can encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings, which can lead to a more productive conversation. Be patient, and actively listen to what your partner has to say.

The goal of these conversations is not to win an argument but to improve your relationship. It’s about helping your partner understand your feelings and working together to find a better balance.

2. Setting Boundaries

When dealing with a selfish man in a relationship, you need to set boundaries to be able to maintain your own needs and wants. 

Here are some tips on how to set and enforce your boundaries.

A. Understanding and Establishing Your Boundaries

1. Identify Your Limits: Think about what you can and cannot tolerate. Your boundaries might be about how much time you spend together, how you handle money, or how you want to be treated.
2. Communicate Clearly: Once you know your boundaries, tell your partner. Be clear and direct about what you’re okay with and what you’re not.
3. Be Consistent: It’s important to stick to your boundaries once you’ve set them. If you bend them often, your partner might not take them seriously.

B. Enforcing Boundaries Assertively

1. Stay Firm and Calm: If your partner tests your boundaries, respond firmly but calmly. Remind them of what you agreed upon.
2. Don’t Feel Guilty: Setting boundaries is not about being selfish; it’s about taking care of yourself. You have the right to protect your emotional health.
3. Adjust as Needed: Sometimes, you might need to adjust your boundaries. That’s okay, as long as it’s a decision you’re comfortable with.

C. Handling Pushback

1. Expect Resistance: A selfish guy will not like your new boundaries. Be prepared for some pushback.
2. Reaffirm the Reasons: Remind yourself and your partner why these boundaries are necessary. It’s about creating a respectful and healthy relationship.
3. Seek Support if Needed: If you’re having trouble maintaining boundaries, don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family members, or a professional.

Setting boundaries is not about punishing your partner. It’s about creating a relationship where both of you feel respected and valued. It’s okay to take care of your own wants and needs.

3. Fostering Empathy and Compromise

When dealing with a selfish partner’s behavior, you need to foster empathy and find a middle ground through compromise.

One way to foster empathy is to encourage your partner to be considerate of your emotions and desires. You can do this by expressing your feelings and needs clearly and calmly. 

It is important to avoid making accusations or blaming your partner for their selfish tendencies. Instead, focus on how their behavior makes you feel and how it affects the relationship.

You can also encourage your partner to put themselves in your shoes. Ask them how they would feel if the situation was reversed. This can help them understand the impact their selfish tendencies are having on you and the relationship.

Another way to foster empathy is to address any underlying issues that may be causing your partner’s selfish behavior. Your partner may be struggling with their own emotions or past experiences that are affecting their ability to empathize with you.

Encourage your partner to seek professional help if necessary. This can include therapy or counseling to help them work through their issues and develop better communication and empathy skills.

Fostering empathy in a relationship with a selfish man is essential for turning the situation around. By encouraging consideration for others and addressing underlying issues, you can help your partner develop empathy and improve your relationship.

Here’s how you can encourage understanding and cooperation in your relationship and manage your partner’s selfish behavior.

A. Encouraging Your Partner to Understand Your Perspective

1. Share Your Feelings Openly: Express your emotions and experiences to help your partner understand your perspective. Use “I” statements to convey how their actions impact you.
2. Ask for Empathy: Encourage your partner to put themselves in your shoes. Sometimes, people need a reminder of the emotional impact of their behavior.
3. Highlight Specific Examples: Provide concrete examples of situations where you felt their actions were selfish. This helps in creating awareness.

B. Strategies for Promoting Empathy in Your Partner

1. Active Listening: Encourage your partner to actively listen when you share your thoughts and feelings. This sets the foundation for a more empathetic connection.
2. Seek Mutual Understanding: Emphasize the importance of mutual understanding. A relationship thrives when both partners can empathize with each other’s experiences.
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings: Acknowledge your partner’s feelings as well. This creates a reciprocal environment where both perspectives are valued.

C. The Importance of Compromise in a Relationship

1. Find Common Ground: Identify areas where compromise is possible. Seek solutions that meet both your needs, creating a more balanced relationship.
2. Communication is Key: Keep communication open during the compromise process. Discuss expectations, and be willing to adjust your stance for the benefit of the relationship.
3. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate instances where compromise leads to positive changes. This reinforces the value of working together.

4. Self-Care and Maintaining Your Own Identity

Navigating a relationship with a selfish man requires prioritizing self-care and preserving your individuality. 

Here’s how you can take care of yourself in the midst of relationship challenges with a selfish guy.

A. Importance of Self-Care

1. Prioritize Your Well-Being: Make self-care a priority. Whether it’s taking time for hobbies, exercise, or relaxation, ensure you’re nurturing your physical and mental health.
2. Set Aside ‘Me’ Time: Allocate dedicated time for yourself. This helps recharge your energy and maintain a healthy balance between personal and relationship needs.
3. Identify Your Needs: Reflect on your emotional needs and ensure they’re being met. This might involve seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist.

B. Balancing Individuality in the Relationship

1. Maintain Your Interests: Don’t lose sight of your personal interests and passions. Cultivate activities that bring you joy and a sense of fulfillment.
2. Communicate Your Boundaries: Clearly communicate your need for space and independence. Establishing boundaries ensures you retain your identity within the relationship.
3. Celebrate Your Achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements. This reinforces your sense of self-worth and contribution outside of the relationship.

C. Dealing with Guilt

1. Recognize Your Worth: Understand that prioritizing self-care doesn’t make you selfish. Recognize your worth and the importance of maintaining a healthy self-image.
2. Communicate Your Needs: If guilt arises, communicate openly with your partner. Help them understand that self-care is essential for both of you to thrive.
3. Seek Support: If guilt becomes overwhelming, seek support from friends, family, or a counselor. Having a support system can provide a valuable perspective.

D. Maintaining Your Mental Health

It’s easy to get caught up in the demands made by a selfish man and then neglect your own needs. Take time for yourself and prioritize your mental health. Here are some ways to maintain your mental health:

• Practice self-care: Take care of yourself by doing things you enjoy, such as taking a relaxing bath, going for a walk, or reading a book.
• Seek support: Talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. You can also consider seeing a therapist to help you work through your emotions.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your partner and communicate your needs. It’s okay to say no and prioritize your well-being.

5. Finding Happiness Outside the Relationship

Have your own world outside of the relationship. This will reduce the impact that your selfish partner’s behavior may have on you. 

Here are some ways to find happiness outside of a relationship:

• Pursue your own interests. Take up a hobby or activity that you enjoy, such as painting, hiking, or dancing.
• Make new friends. Join a club or group that interests you. This is a great way to meet new people and expand your social circle.
• Focus on long-term goals. Set goals for yourself, such as going back to school or starting a new career. Focusing on your long-term goals can help you feel more fulfilled and give you a sense of purpose.

Taking care of yourself and your self-interests is not selfish; it’s a fundamental aspect of maintaining a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

6. Social Dynamics and Support

If you are going through a tough time with a selfish man, sharing with your family members and friends can provide you with the support and guidance you need. 

Here are some ways to navigate social dynamics and seek support:

A. Involving Family and Friends

Your family and friends can be a great source of support when dealing with a selfish partner’s behavior. They know you well and can provide you with an objective perspective. You can seek their advice on how to deal with your partner’s selfish behavior and discuss your options.

It’s important to approach the conversation with your loved ones with respect and an open mind. Listen to their advice and consider their opinions, but ultimately make the decision that is best for you.

B. Navigating Social Events Together

Social events can be a challenge when you’re in a relationship with a selfish man. You may feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells or that your partner is monopolizing the conversation.

One way to navigate social events is to establish boundaries with your partner beforehand. Let them know what your expectations are and what behaviors are not acceptable. If your partner continues to act selfishly, consider taking a break from attending social events together.

You can also seek support from your close friends when attending social events. Having someone to talk to or lean on can make all the difference in how you feel and how you navigate the event.

7. When to Seek Professional Help

When dealing with a selfish man in a relationship, there may come a point where seeking professional help becomes necessary.

A partner who has selfish tendencies can be emotionally draining. If you feel like you’re unable to cope, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you develop coping strategies and provide support as you navigate the challenges of your relationship.

If your partner is unwilling to seek help or change their behavior, it may be necessary to re-evaluate the relationship.

Dealing with a partner who has a lack of empathy and a big ego is difficult, and you may need to remind yourself that you deserve to be treated with respect and empathy. 

A. Recognizing Signs That Professional Help May Be Needed

1. Persistent Issues: If selfish behavior persists despite your efforts to communicate and set boundaries, it might indicate deeper issues that require professional intervention.
2. Impact on Well-Being: If the relationship is significantly impacting your mental or emotional well-being, seeking help can provide support and guidance.
3. Communication Breakdown: When communication breaks down and both of you struggle to understand each other, a neutral third party can facilitate healthier dialogue.

B. Benefits of Professional Guidance

1. Objective Perspective: Therapists offer an objective perspective, helping both partners see the situation from an unbiased viewpoint.
2. Improved Communication Skills: Counseling provides tools to enhance communication, fostering a more open and understanding dialogue between you and your partner.
3. Addressing Underlying Issues: Professionals can help identify and address underlying issues contributing to selfish behavior, promoting long-term positive change.

C. Deciding if and When the Relationship Is No Longer Beneficial

1. Assessing Relationship Satisfaction: Reflect on your overall relationship satisfaction. If unhappiness persists despite efforts to improve, it may be worth considering whether the relationship is fulfilling.
2. Individual Growth: Evaluate whether the relationship allows for individual growth and fulfillment. Sometimes, parting ways can lead to personal development for both partners.
3. Understanding Your Limits: Know your limits. If the relationship becomes toxic or emotionally harmful, it may be in your best interest to consider other options.

Professional help isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a proactive step toward fostering a healthier relationship. 

Recognizing when to seek assistance is a courageous decision that can lead to positive changes and personal growth.

8. When to Walk Away

Dealing with a selfish man in a relationship is often overwhelming, and sometimes it’s necessary to walk away. It’s important to recognize the red flags of a toxic relationship and when it’s time to end things. 

So how do you recognize an abusive relationship and make the decision to end it?

Recognizing an Abusive Relationship

If your partner is exhibiting abusive behavior, recognize the signs and take action. Abuse can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. If you are experiencing any form of abuse, please seek help immediately.

Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse. If your partner is constantly putting you down, belittling you, or making you feel worthless, it’s a sign of an abusive relationship. 

You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity.

9. Cultivating a Healthy Relationship

Maintaining a healthy relationship with a selfish man is tough, but it can be easier to manage with the right approach. 

Here are some tips that will help you improve your situation:

A. Balancing Individual and Mutual Needs

A healthy relationship is a two-way street where both partners have individual needs that must be balanced within the relationship. It is important to communicate your needs to your partner and listen to their needs as well. 

This can help you both find a compromise that works for both of you.

Set boundaries and stick to them. If your partner is being selfish and not respecting your boundaries, it is important to speak up and let them know how their behavior is affecting you. 

This can help you both find a way to balance your individual needs with the needs of the relationship.

B. Pursuing Common Goals

Having common goals can help strengthen your relationship and give you both something to work towards. Discuss your goals with your partner and try to find common ground. This can help you both feel like you are working towards something together and give you a sense of purpose in your relationship.

When pursuing common goals, support each other and work together towards achieving them. This can help build trust and strengthen your bond as a couple.

Attempting to cultivate a healthy relationship with a selfish man requires a balance of individual and mutual needs.

C. Managing Expectations

One of the most important things you can do when dealing with a selfish man is to manage your expectations.

By having realistic expectations, you will be better equipped to handle the situation and make the best decisions for yourself.

D. Realistic Views on Change

The first step in managing your expectations is to have a realistic view of change. While it is possible for someone to change, it is not easy, and it takes time. 

It is important to remember that change must come from within. You cannot force someone to change, no matter how much you may want them to.

The best way to approach the situation is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Let them know how their behavior is affecting you and express your desire for change. 

However, it is important to understand that change may not happen overnight. It may take time for your partner to recognize their behavior and make an effort to change it.

E. Accepting Limitations

Another important aspect of managing your expectations is accepting limitations. While it is important to communicate your needs and desires to your partner, it is also important to recognize their limitations. 

Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and it is important to accept your partner for who they are.

The bare minimum you can expect from your partner is respect and consideration. If they are unwilling or unable to provide this, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship.

However, if they are making an effort to change and improve, it is important to acknowledge their efforts and support them.

10. Dealing with Narcissism

Dealing with a selfish man, especially if he has narcissistic traits, is extremely demanding. In this case, your partner’s selfish behavior will be coupled with a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and an excessive need for admiration. 

Identifying Narcissistic Traits

The first step in dealing with narcissism is to identify the traits. Some common signs of narcissism include the following:

• A sense of entitlement
• A lack of empathy
• A need for admiration
• A grandiose sense of self-importance
• Manipulative behavior
• Difficulty accepting criticism
• Lack of interest in the feelings of others

11. The Decision to End Things

Ending a relationship can be difficult, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own well-being. If you’ve tried everything to make the relationship work and your partner is still being selfish and abusive, it may be time to walk away.

Leaving a relationship should be your decision and a last resort option. Try to work things out with your partner first, but if things don’t improve, this may be the time to end things. 

True love should never involve abuse or constant selfishness.

Recognizing when to walk away from a selfish man is difficult, but it’s important to prioritize your own well-being. 

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How can I differentiate occasional selfish acts from a fundamentally selfish personality?

Look for consistent patterns of behavior. Occasional selfish acts may arise in various situations, but a fundamentally selfish personality involves persistent behaviors that affect the overall dynamic of the relationship.

2. Is it possible to change a partner’s selfish behavior?

Yes, change is possible with open communication, empathy, and mutual effort. Understanding the root causes and seeking professional help if needed can contribute to positive behavioral shifts.

3. Is it possible to change a partner’s selfish behavior?

Yes, change is often possible with open communication, empathy, and mutual effort. Understanding the root causes and seeking professional help if needed can contribute to positive behavioral shifts.

4. What if my attempts at communication are met with defensiveness or resistance?

Stay calm and persistent. Choose the right time for conversations, use “I” statements to express your feelings, and encourage your partner to share their perspective. If defensiveness persists, consider seeking the assistance of a relationship counselor.

5. How can I balance setting boundaries without being perceived as controlling?

Clearly communicate your boundaries with respect and assertiveness. Emphasize that boundaries are essential for both partners’ well-being and personal growth. Encourage an open dialogue about each other’s needs and expectations.

6. When is it time to consider seeking professional help for the relationship?

If selfish behavior persists despite your efforts, communication breaks down, or the relationship significantly impacts your well-being, it may be time to seek professional guidance. Therapists can offer an objective perspective and tools for positive change.

Join our Facebook group

It’s crucial to recognize that a relationship is a shared journey, requiring active participation from both partners. While addressing selfishness is possible and can lead to positive transformations, there comes a point where the willingness to make an effort and change selfish behavior becomes paramount.

Should your sincere efforts to communicate, set boundaries, and encourage positive change be met with persistent resistance and an unwillingness to meet you halfway, it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. 

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual growth, and the choice to reassess should be approached with the understanding that your individual well-being and fulfillment are integral to the foundation of lasting love.